Considerations for a Dharma Box



Photo by Byron Hovey



On Sunday, June 19, a group of people met after the Sunday morning program at Windhorse, to look into coming up with individual Dharma wills and a ‘Dharma Box.’  Claire Hicks, hospice physician, started the meeting with an invitation to imagine our own death:

Take a few minutes, still yourself, and imagine you are dying, as you would want to die -- not sometime far in the future, but now. What is your vision for the death that you would want? What can you do to inform your family and friends about how they can help you realize your vision for your ideal death? What are the things that came out of this thought experiment that you might want to do something about?

Some of the things that came up for us were:

• I want palliative care so that I can be awake. I want to be out of pain as much as possible so that I can be awake and experience dying as much as possible. I want my children and grandchildren to be able to visit me, and for me to be able to talk with them.
• I want to die outside in nature in an open field or forest. I don’t want to be in a hospital bed tied up to IVs and medical equipment. Our culture keeps dying people sequestered out of sight. I am going to have to make plans and make sure my family and friends know my wishes and help me get outside.
• I realized I could have a sudden, unexpected death and it would be a burden on family and friends if nobody knows what I wanted afterwards.
• I want to make sure that anybody that is there when I die knows I am an organ donor, and I want to be sure they don’t waste time harvesting what can be used.
• I want to be sure that I’m able to let everybody know how much I care for them and that I have made amends to those I have harmed.
• What came up for me is how much I need to do to make sure my family understands our finances before I die.
• My family is mostly fundamentalist Christian and it’s going to be difficult for them to relate to Buddhism in the dying process and our Buddhist services. I will need to plan for interfaith services and find Christian ministers who are willing to conduct services together with Buddhist priests.
• I want to make sure my family knows that I don’t want my dying limited to just immediate family members. I need to let my family know I do want Sangha members to be there as well to hold me and help me through the process.
• I want to make sure my pets are cared for – I need to make arrangements to leave them to someone willing to take care of them, along with the money needed to do so.
• I want my caregivers to help me to do zazen as much as possible.

To this end, Anyen Rinpoche, in his book, Dying with Confidence, suggests that we should put together a Dharma Box. He writes, "The Dharma Box contains all the items we and our entrusted Dharma friends will need to help us actualize our Dharma vision and carry out our Dharma Will at the time of death…  Putting together our Dharma Box is an excellent endeavor that allows us to continue reviewing our spiritual progress… Make the time in your life now to complete the important work of carefully creating your Dharma Box. You will feel very fortunate to have done so at the time of death and will inspire others to do the same. Your confidence to die will be greatly increased.”

A Dharma Box will help to free family and friends from the uncertainty and possible disagreements arising from not knowing how we want to be supported through this crucial transition.

A partial checklist of Dharma Box contents:

• A copy of all legal papers (a legal will for property, Dharma will, medical directives, etc.)
• Your daily practice (Verse of the Kesa, Refuges, Bodhisatvic Vows, chants, etc.)
• Instructions to Sangha family and friends.
• Instructions to non-Buddhist family members and friends.
• A copy of the prayers, chants, books, and music you want to be played or read at your bedside by or for your visitors.
• Your bedside altar items - framed or laminated photo of the Buddha, tea lights, incense, incense holder, and other items
• The photo you prefer for memorial services.

We have started a library of end-of-life resources at Windhorse.

Links to online resources:

http://www.caringinfo.org/ The National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization (NHPCO) offers free, state specific advance directives and advice for communicating wishes to family and close friends. The site is focused around learning, implementing, voicing and engaging in the care you receive at the end-of-life.

http://www.putitinwriting.org/ American Hospital Association, a resource for living wills and advance directives.

http://www.aarp.org/ AARP, American Association of Retired People, also a resource for living wills and advance directives.

http://www.phowafoundation.org/   Anyen Rimpoche’s foundation from which Dying with Confidence, A Tibetan Buddhist guide to preparing for death, can be ordered.

www.ncnaturalburial.com/end_of_life.html   Homefunerals, green burial care. Caroline Younge and Carol Motley have been most helpful to our Sangha.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kIlYTP2QIU A recording of the Dalai Lama chanting for a friend (it's believed it was Vaclav Havel) as he lay near death from cancer. It was recorded on a hand-held tape recorder and when asked if it could be released to the public His Holiness said that it could indeed be copied and distributed but only if it was never sold for profit. There is a mild level of controversy in that some say that this being a Hindu chant it couldn't have been recorded by His Holiness. No matter, it is an inspiring, unusually powerful, bedside chant. You can find the words and a brief explanation for the Sri Mrityunjaya Mantra at  http://sites.google.com/site/garypenn2/lama.html2 (unfortuneately, the link to the recording at this site no longer works)

 

The next meeting of the Dharma Will group will be Sunday, September 25.  Anyone is welcome to join us, whether you attended the first one or not.